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okay okay before I put some skits on here that me, Jazzy, and some friends on LE made. I frist wanna know. Has anyone read the Drizzt books, if so then I'll put a few one here ^_^
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Never bothered reading the Drizzt books myself. Though if the skits are funny/interesting I wouldn't mind reading them anyway.
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okay but I'll only put 2 for now. (toooo many) but if ya guys like the frist to then there are much betters ones ^_^
Drizzt Learn's to Drive…
Drizzt: What's this?
Eladriewen: The steering wheel.
Drizzt: And this?
Eladriewen: The radio.
Drizzt: What's this do?
[ungodly loud music starts to blow through the speakers]
Eladriewen: No radio for you. Now…take these.
Drizzt: What are these?
Eladriewen: The keys!
Drizzt: Oh, right. I knew that. [pause] Now what?
Eladriewen: Put them in there…no there! There! THERE!!!
Drizzt: Yeah yeah yeah I got it!
[The car starts]
Drizzt: Now what.
Eladriewn: Put your foot on the breaks…no that 's the accelerator.
Drizzt: My bad. Is that the break?
Eladriewen: No, that's the horn.
Drizzt: Oh. Is that the break?
Eladriewen: Yes. Now pull this down to the R.
Drizzt: The what?
Eladriewen: This!
Drizzt: Okay.
Eladriewen: Now, ease your foot off the brake! Ease it off! Ease it! EASE IT!!!!
Drizzt: Okay okay okay!
Eladriewen: Now...slowly back the car out of the driveway...slowly...all right very good! Now switch it into- NO PUT YOUR FOOT ON THE BRAKES!!!!!!!
Drizzt: Sorry!!!
Eladriewen: Now put this on the D....[sighs] this here.
Drizzt: Okay.
Eladriewen: Now, slowly turn the wheel so you can…there you go! Very good!
Drizzt: I'm doing it?
Eladriewen: Yes you are! Now, ease forward.
Drizzt: Like this?
Eladriewen: Very good, now, you can go faster.
[Drizzt floors it and we realize too late he forgot to turn the wheel correcly so the car goes straight down the road. Both end up back in the driveway, barreling THROUGH the garage, and into Eladriewen's back yard.]
Drizzt: That wasn't so bad.
Eladriewen: We're walking to the store.
Drizzt: Awwwww.
Drizzt Vs. Computer #1 (he blows up alot of computers.)
Drizzt: What's this?
Eladriewen: Technology.
Drizzt: Tech….what?
Eladriewen: It's something we have today that allows a whole bunch of advantages that you and your generation never knew. Watch this! I type and letters appear on the screen!
Drizzt: Fascinating! How does it work?
Eladriewen: Press these buttons and voolah!
Drizzt: Amazing. Can I try?
Eladriewen: Uh...sure.
[Drizzt types]
Drizzt: INCREDIBLE! Regis would LOVE this!
Eladriewen: Er, right. And watch…I sign on here and I am suddenly connected to the entire world through this litte cord!
Drizzt: What is that?
Eladriewen: The internet.
Drizzt: Astounding!
Eladriewen: And we can send messages to people from cross the world with a simple press of the button!
Drizzt: UNBELIEVABLE!!!
Eladriewen: Want to try?
Drizzt: PLEASE!
[he surfs the net for a while.]
Drizzt: What's this mean?
Eladrewen: What's what mean?
Drizzt: This…ur-or?
Eladriewen: Ur or? That's error. What have you done?
Drizzt: Nothing honestly!
Eladriewen: How the hell did you make my entire system crash in less than a minute?
Drizzt: What system? Nothing's crashed. What are you talking about. The thing is sound as a mouse!
Eladriewen: You broke it!
Drizzt: I DID NOT!
Eladriewen: DID TOO!
Drizzt: DID NOT!!!
Eladriewen: DID TOO!
Computer: Will self destruct in 5...4...3...2...
Eladriewen/Drizzt:????
Computer: 1!
Eladriewen/Drizzt: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
~BOOM~
All members of LE look out their window and see mushroom cloud eminating from where Eladriewen lives.
Eladriewen: This is all your fault.
Drizzt: Oh, whatever!
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Those are not mine. Mine is the one at the SSN office and the hooker.
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WELL put them on :p I wanted to start from the 1st ones and go on.
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it's nice to see yall have a lot to do
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Very funny. :)
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hahaha that was a good laugh
more more moreeeeeee@#%$@%
*drools like homer*
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heheh okay guys
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Drizzt in the ER
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Jazelle: "Ok I'm here what happened?"
Kuda: "He was teaching me sword fighting...and he like fell down."
Jazelle: "He's coming to..."
Drizzt: "No more scampi please Kuda." He then passes out again.
Jazelle: "Didn't I tell you to stop feeding him? He's a light weight drow not some WWC Wrestler who eats a cow as a snack between lunch and dinner. At the rate your feeding him he will blow up like ah....Marlon Brando."
Kuda: "Well ah, he was hungry and I figured... Well! He was happy to teach me sword fighting and I won."
Jazy looks Kuda over then looks at Drizzt. "Yea, right pull the other leg please."
Drizzt: "I could use another Bloody Mary...my head hurts."
Jazy looks daggers at Kuda who suddenly looks away and is interested in what's happening in the examining room next door. There is some guy who keeps telling the doctor he saw this big black cat walking down the hallway then it vanished in a poof of smoke.
Jazelle: "Tell you what if you behave I'll get you some ginger mead."
Drizzt wakes up bright eyed and bushy tailed. (Pretty good for a drow who does not have a tail.)
Drizzt: "Yes, Mama Jazy."
Kuda: "Yes, Mama Jazy."
Jazelle: "Oh, great...let's see mead is legal in I think West Virginia. Boys want to go and see a coal mine?"
Drizzt recovers from Bloody Mary...
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Drizzt, Kuda and Jazelle walk out of the hospital with Drizzt still shambling around weakly, Kuda and Jazelle holding him not to fall.
Kuda: I'm really sorry for this but he likes to eat so much...and besides I whitnessed him in battle! It was amazing!
Jazelle: Ok, we cleared that, but I think he still needs our support in this world. I suggest that we get him a job.
Kuda: You have his ID card with you? Signed?
Jazelle: Yep, I do.
Drizzt: I can walk on my own, there's no need to hold me on. (turns to me) That drink was really strong, do you have more?
Kuda: NO! Drizzt, it was a mistake, promise me that you'll drink only water in your life.
Drizzt: Ok, ok, I promise... where are you leading me now?
(Eladriewen joins us)
Eladriewen: I heard of what happened. Where are you leading him?
Jazelle:To Virginia State Job center. We must get him a job. Otherwise, he will just wander through our houses and ruin them.
Drizzt: You will get me a job!?! What will I do? Will I be a whore?
(Kuda, Jazelle and Eladriewen burst into laughter at mere thought of that idea)
We enter the job center and start looking at the job advertisments...
The clerks regard Drizzt curiously, as he says aloud: "What does a cook at the restaurant do? What is a restaurant anyway?"
Kuda: It's a place where people come to feed,
Jazelle: It's what you call an inn.
Eladriewen: A cook cooks meals for those people who visit the inn.
Kuda: (whispers to Jazelle): No way, he could get in touch with Bloody Mary again there. We should look for something else.
Drizzt (looking at the another advertisment): What is the Judo Trainer?
Eladriewen: He ...um...teaches people how to fight...
Jazelle: With no weapons.
Kuda: It could suit you, don't you think? You have a very good fighting style even when unarmed.
Drizzt: Yes, I wish to do this job. Sign me in!
(Clerk regards him curiously and Eladriewen tries to hide beneath the decorative office plant. Jazelle pulls Eladriewen out of it pointing to the description: "Carnivora Stragulatia".)
(Jazelle walks to the clerk with Drizzt after her with ID card in his hand, showing it to the clerk proudly. Clerk reads it: "Drizz...Drizzt Do'Urd...Rash and shakes his head, confused.)
Jazelle: I would like to apply him to the Judo trainer job.
Clerk: You're lucky, that place is still free. The job is yours!
(Drizzt proudly smiles at all three of us)
Clerk:You start at 8th O'clock tomorrow (Jazelle handles Drizzt her watch and explains him what it does).
All four leave the Job center proud of their achievments and then they wonder who will take Drizzt in for that remaining time (about 18 h total).
(Kuda remains himself to destroy the remaining bottle of Bloody Mary at his house in order to protect Drizzt from himself.
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you missed the SSN one that explains this one. Funny I never remembered owning a watch. Please note only a few of those were written by me more are from people all over the world.
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This is one I did. It was like payback
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Drizzt's gets even Bar-be-que Style
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Jazelle: "Hum, something smells good. What are you cooking?"
Drizzt: "Since you have been so nice letting me sleep here I wanted to make dinner."
Jazelle: "Myron showed you how to use the Bar-be-que?" Very happy that Drizzt didn't start a wood fire on the stove again like last time when he wanted to cook breakfast.
Drizzt: "Yep, it's more my style."
Jazelle:"Nice what is it?"
Drizzt: "Oh, something that was running around here."
Jazelle:"Ah, hold that thought."
Jazelle quickly runs into the house and starts to count all the pets. Finds all 3 cats, 3 rats, 2 dogs and 2 hamsters. She sighs in relief. Goes back outside.
Jazelle: Ah, how did you kill it?"
Drizzt: "Used your cross bow that was in the closet."
Jazelle: "What did it look like before you started cooking it?"
Drizzt: "Oh, black with a white strip down it's back."
Jazelle:"It didn't meow did it?"
Drizzt: "No I came across something like it before. It kind of hissed and had this really bad smelling fur."
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Here is the SSN one
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Drizzt SSN:333-666-4356
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At the Social Security Office:
Jazelle: "Ok since your staying here for a while you will need some ID.
Drizzt: "What is Id?"
Jazelle: "A little card you need to show people that you are you."
Drizzt: "Well I'm there so why do I need a card that saids I'm me?"
Jazelle: "Well they need to be sure you are you."
Drizzt: "But I know I'm me - arn't I?"
Jazelle: "It will make things easier like getting a job or buying foo.......ah, stuff."
Drizzt: "Job? Stuff? What is that?"
Jazelle: "Well a job is something you do for someone and they pay you. Stuff is--"
Drizzt: "Oh, like that nice lady some guy was giving that paper stuff you call money to down the street?"
Jazelle: "Ah, not quite he was-- ah, paying her rent kinda of."
Drizzt: "Oh, can I pay her rent?"
Jazelle: "NO, she's a...." Jazy Leans over and wispers in Drizzt's ear.
Drizzt: "Oh, you mean she's a whore!"
Jazelle: "Shhhhhs not so loud. "
Everyone looks at Jazelle and Drizzt. Jazelle picks up a newspaper and tries to hid behind it.
Drizzt: "Well she is paid so that is a job right?"
Jazelle: "Let's drop the subject please."
Clerk: "Next!"
Jazelle: "That's us follow me and don't speak---unless I tell you to -- Please."
Drizzt: "I'm confused how is what she does not a job?"
Jazelle: "Something to do with declaring her income to the goverment and it has a really bad retirement plan. Now Shhhhs."
People are still looking daggers at Jazelle and Drizzt as they walk over to the counter.
Clerk: "How can I help you?"
Jazelle: "We need to get a Social Security Card for Drizzt here."
Cerk: "Name?"
Jazelle: "Drizzt Do'Urden ah---- Rust.
Clerk: "Ok date of birth?
Drizzt: "---------"
Jazelle: "You can talk to her... speak."
Drizzt: "1297."
Clerk: "Huh? No, I mean year day and month."
Jazelle: "It's a religion thing you know they work on a different calendar. That would be ah..." She looks at Drizzt and makes up a number. "!950, October 31st."
Clerk: "Ok, what city was he born?
Drizzt: "Oh, I can answer this one. Menzoberranzan in the Underdark."
Jazelle: "Oh how cute he's been reading books and well just loves playing D&D with us all. He means New York City here in the USA."
Clerk: "Address?" Jazelle tells her the address and city.
Clerk: "Hum, ok do you have a birth certificate?"
Drizzt: "A wha......@#$@#$@#" Jazelle stomps on his right foot.
Jazelle: "Well you see he is from one of those up state communes and they didn't record births there and the commune broke up and well simple there is no record of his birth."
Clerk: "Oh, well are you related?"
Jazelle looks over Drizzt who is now sitting down nursing his foot.
Jazelle: "Yes he's a long lost brother. My father like to get around a lot."
Clerk: Grins "Ah, ok well sign this paper."
Jazelle quickly signs her life away and a possible jail term of not less than 10 years with a sigh.
Clerk: "All right here is your temporay card make sure he signs it."
Drizzt: "I have a question?"
Clerk: "Yes."
Drizzt: "Why is being a whore not consittered a job?"
Jazelle stomps on Drizzt's left foot as she drags him out of the SSN office muttering to herself.
